how big am I?

Have you ever been somewhere and felt like you would fit in the seat or the space and then someone said something to you or looked at you sideways and you know in their mind theyre saying " haha what were you thinking?" WELL if you havent lucky you! So me, my asain BFF and the boy(my son) went to Disneyland for the 10th time this year. We have spent way too much money to be annual pass holders so we try to go at least once a month. We always hot the old favorites, haunted mansion, thunder mountain, pirates, Matterhorn, and of course small world. Its a small world was our first stop, we get to the front of the line and the ride operator asks "how many?" I answer 3 and she looks us up and down and then asks do you think you can fit in one row? EXCUSE ME! you could fit 3 baby elephants in those damn boats! i know im not a size 2 but i think 2 normal sized women and pipsqueak 3 yr old can fit on one row! I was so shocked all i could do was laugh. By the end of the ride i was furious! Mind you the ride operator was no skinny mini herself, she was bigger them me so it was even more insulting. First of all who asks do you think youll all fit on one row? besides being a poor choice of words, it was just so rude with the added stare down she gave us. Just so you know we survived the ride, didnt sink the boat, and did not need the jaws of life to pry us out of the boat. After that insulting ride on its a small world the boy wanted to go on something fast and i wanted to eat a churro! So we made our way over to big thunder mountain, i figured these seats are half the size of the boat so we probably would have to spilt up. Just like the last ride we get to the front and the guy asks how many, looks at us and instructs us to stand in one lane. With hesitation i ask can we all fit in one car? he said of course why not? them offered to spilt us up if we would be more comfortable. I wanted to jump on him wrap my arms and legs around him and give him a HUGE kiss. For that small moment he made me feel like a size 2 LOL oh and he was skinny! so this makes me think are bigger women more judgemental of other big women? to we hold each other to a higher standard or more strict expectations? Are bigger women prejudice against their own kind?

conductor of the crazy train

i know that i am not the only person in the world that suffers from irrational fears and weird quirks. Some of my "fears" are slightly ridiculous and when i hear myself say them out loud i think "damn that sounds crazy" but i just cant help myself... so i thought i would share some of my "fears" and quirks so maybe you wont feel like youre on the crazy train alone... there is a good chance i am the conductor LOL I was hanging out with a friend and sharing some of my weird quirks/fears and he looked at me like i was crazy so i thought i would share to see if i really am crazy or just eccentric =)

*I have to wear a hood on any amusement park rides because im scared the person before me has head lice and theyll give it to me.

*I dont like my food to touch when there are different sauces or flavors can be transferred macaroni and mashed potatoes must be in separate bowls.

*I think that most white guys that are "average" could potentially be a serial killer

*If your 2nd toes is longer then your big toes you should never wear open toed shoes

*I dont like to cuddle, please stay on your own side. I dont want you sweating all over me ewwwww!

*I wont stop at the gas station if its on the opposite side of the street

*when i buy clothes i always ask if they have my size in the back because i dont know what dirty person has tried it on before me

*I am terrified of getting any kind STD so making out with a stranger or going home with a guy from the bar is a big NO NO!

*I dont like strangers to touch me or hug me because they might have the swine flu

*I wont try on hats in stores again because of the lice

*Im terrified of squirrels because i think they all have rabies and theyre going to bite me and im going to die

*I hate my huge boobs because i think they make me look fatter then i really am

*Im scared to be alone in my house because i have a ghost but i only like scary movies

*I ask all my friends to not have public pics of my kid on their profile because i think the internet is just full of pedophiles that want to kidnap my kid

*i dont like having pictures of me in front of my house because i might have a stalker and they might come to my house and kill me.

*I have to make my bed before i can go to sleep

*my closet is color coded

*i cant fall asleep with my feet sticking out of the blankets

Being chubTastic!

So its been almost 4 years since my son was born and i have slowly come to accept the fact i can no longer use his birth as an excuse for the chub. Hes not a baby anymore, hes becoming a little boy =( Other them shear laziness and bad eating habits there is no reason for me to still be a member of club chub. I was cleaning out some drawers yesterday and came across some of my "skinny" pictures and for 2.2 seconds i was inspired and driven to go to the gym and lose the weight. Then reality set in and the thought of giving up food that tastes good, having to go to the gym ughhhhhh and actually being held accountable for my actions became an all too daunting task. I once again turn to my nameless BFF that has this amazing drive to work out 5-6 times a week and i wish i could be that dedicated, but as many have told me before i seem to have this fear of commitment to apparently to everything not just men LOL I dont know if i just have really good self esteem and love myself no matter what size i am or if i have just found this really amazing place called delusion and denial. i do believe i have opposite body dis morphia...what is this you ask? well as you know most people look at themselves and think oh man i am so fat... not me i look at myself in the mirror and think damn i look good! then i see a picture of me in that same skinny outfit and say... ohhhh maybe i didnt look so good. I totally think i am smaller then i really am. I cant stick to a diet because i have no self control, so i believe in mind over matter. So if i think like a skinny person i will become a skinny person. My favorite most effective form of exercise is... laying out! laugh and scoff all you want but my nameless bff can attest to the fact the more tan the pounds just fall off. Im not saying its 20 pounds or anything but its enough to make me feel good enough to take a picture of myself in a bikini. Now i have had a child so i know that i shouldnt be wearing a bikini ever again i mean lets face it im no heidi klum , im just saying. More power to you if your a mom that has a little chub and you can sport a bikini. I aspire to be you one day, oh and the guy that runs in the sand with his shoes on and his trash bag outfit. Clearly i am still struggling with my eternal plight of being self confident and loving myself or being lazy and hiding under a heavy layer of denial and delusion my two best friends that shan't remain nameless LOL

internet dating...scares me

In this day and age where does one find a date other then the Internet? the grocery store is no longer an ample hunting ground thanks to online ordering. Damn you Internet for disconnecting basic human in person interaction. The bar scene,well its filled with douche bags that are just looking for their next one night stand or as i like to think about it their next STD receptacle. Its scary to think that 1 in 3 people have an std and dont tell their partners because they re using a condom. Clearly the condom is not as effective as we would like to believe, hence the 1 in 3 infected strangers or people dont use them which baffles me. SEX can kill you, you wear a seat belt while you drive you dont share needles to do drugs so why not wear a condom? As i mentioned before i have joined a few dating websites in my life time. In the beginning it was all in good fun because what did i have to lose? As i get older it seems like this Internet dating a necessary tool to meet men. Now what caliber of men i am still researching but in my own personal experience the Internet harbors liars, flakes, doucehbags, cheaters,cheapskates, and gay guys that wish they were straight. Dont get me wrong there is an occasional nice guy which i usually end up being super good friends with instead of having some romantic connection. But as the good lord knows i dont need anymore friends i would like to find a nice guy to settle down with. Im sure that i have not had the worst of the worst dates, i do have a BFF that shall remain nameless that has had some doosezies herself. One thing i have learned on these dating sites, fat and skinny, is your main picture really matters... thanks to all my personal experience and my BFFs stories we have cracked the code of Internet dating :

Body type: a few extra pounds really means up to 20 lbs.
Living with roommates: I live at home with my parents (thank you grandma's boy")
5'8 really means 5'6
Do you have kids? A:prefer not to say means baby mama drama or dead beat dad
Im an honest normal guy:means im a liar and probably have a gf or lots of girls that think their my gf im just collecting a harem.
Very pretty/handsome: means no matter how ugly i am i think im gods gift and youre not worthy of my time or money unless you look like barbie.

I would like to know when dating became lets meet on line, split the bill and have sex in the car without knowing each others last name! Where do i find the guys that want to treat a woman like a woman? when did this 50/50 crap become the standard? i still believe that on a first date the guy should meet the woman on her turf and do what needs to be done to make her feel comfortable. IF youre not willing to put in the work why should we give up the goods?

Im just saying ladies when you go on these online dates make sure you tell a friend just in case hes a serial killer rapist or just plain crazy and wants to chris brown you. its always a good idea to text a friend the make and model of the car if he picks you up just in case we need to know what kind of car to look for heaven forbid you go missing.


*actual dating website picture.

how rude!

We have all run into these people. SELFISH! Some of our bestfriends and worst enemies fall into this category. If you know me Im not always the nicest person but if I love you then I will give you the shirt off my back. So I went to a movie at 9:30pm on a Monday night and this couple walks in with a baby no older then 6 months…. As soon as they walk in the husband or baby daddy's cell phone rings and this FOOL answers it and has a 5 min conversation at the top of his lungs with no regard for the other 50 people that paid an outrageous $11.00 to sit in the dark! WHAT A JERK! It only gets better… then the baby wont shut up! The kid is fussy then pukes all over, at this point you would think that any decent human being that DOESN'T walk with their knuckles dragging on the ground would have take this choking puking baby out of the theater…. No no no not these parents of the year, they just let the kid puke and sat back and enjoyed the movie. I'm glad someone did. I have a kid and its easy to tune your kids out and ignore all the annoying sounds they make, but let me tell you it is IMPOSSIBLE to ignore someone else's kid. So I felt the need to say" if you wanted to watch movies late at night you should have never had kids! " I really don't think that was too harsh. I understand if some of you disagree! So then I have to come back to work after being on vacation! That was a nightmare in itself. But to have to come back to some BULLSHIT! Is it really that hard to say "hey, I was wondering if I could go to lunch early today, I just want to make sure you didn't have plans or anything to do since you do go to lunch practically at the same time everyday" I would have no problem with that… but to walk by and say ok bye 20 mins before I usually go to lunch and rush out the door to avoid whatever conflict you thought may have come from this inconsiderate act is insulting. I don't have a problem with you not even now but it is annoying and a little rude to be so inconsiderate. This week has been full of inconsiderate selfish acts and I'm so over selfish ass people! BTW jealous people SUCK too!

www.ilovefatchicks.com

As you know there are dating sites for EVERYONE, fat people, "beautiful people",gold diggers, single parents, std positive people blah blah blah the list can go on for days. So anyways I have a best friend that shall remain nameless but she has had tremendous success at this whole Internet dating. She gives me hope for finding love online. As if being "plus sized" was bad enough I am a single , according to my friends sans kids they dont think its that big of a deal but i still feel weird about the whole thing. So with that huge insecurity on my plate i stay away from single parent dating websites mostly because i dont want to date someone that has kids of their own i know i know double standard. The way I see it i have a super awesome kid with no behavioral of health issues and no baby daddy issues what are the chances that i can find the same in a partner? Slim to none! so i steer clear of single dads... sorry dads nothing against you but i still havent come to terms with being a single parent myself. SO anyways i joined this plus sized dating website... which i adoringly call the ilovefatchicks.com which to my knowledge it not a real website LOL Im thinking finally a place where my not so size 2 body will be appreciated and ill clean up and have dates up the ying yang.... Oh really? not so much!

Apparently i am not fat enough for a lot of these chubby chasers! im sorry? but i wear clothes that have letters and numbers on the size tag, my pants and skirts are all double digits... i have all my teeth and real hair no extensions ... real boobs... and i wear make up not a ton but enough to look pretty. SO what the hell! how much do i have to weigh to get a decent date. Seeing as i hate the gym and my boobs make it hard for me to run losing a ton of weight is not a reality LOL oh and i like to eat real food. I guess all the rejections that include well i wish you were bigger and i wish there was more to hold on to, would make me feel better but it doesnt. My favorite is well you have a pretty face but i just like my women bigger.

When i go out to the bars and clubs in LA i get looked at and smiled at but thats the end of that. I also get the you have a pretty a face, but youre a little too voluptuous for me.... thanks for saying i have a pretty face for a fat girl! too bad im not fat enough for the fatty lovers! Seriously i feel like im in fat girl limbo! it looks like im going to have to fast for 2 yrs or eat enough french friend and ice cream until i can only fit into a moo moo. i dont know about the other "little fat girls" but im pissed mostly at society LOL thanks for setting such unreachable standards and leaving us not so fat fat chicks in the lurch! id love to hear your " im sorry but youre not fat enough stories." so please share

the not so fat fat chick...

hello ladies. Welcome to my blog where I will vent about everything and anything but mostly about the doucheiest douche bags and my horros of internet dating... being a plus sized single mother has forced me to turn to internet dating woo hoo lucky me! I am also fighting the battle of not being fat enough for the cubby chasers and not skinny enough for "hollywood" size issue. I hope you enjoy my blogs and feel free to share your stories and comments.