Being chubTastic!

So its been almost 4 years since my son was born and i have slowly come to accept the fact i can no longer use his birth as an excuse for the chub. Hes not a baby anymore, hes becoming a little boy =( Other them shear laziness and bad eating habits there is no reason for me to still be a member of club chub. I was cleaning out some drawers yesterday and came across some of my "skinny" pictures and for 2.2 seconds i was inspired and driven to go to the gym and lose the weight. Then reality set in and the thought of giving up food that tastes good, having to go to the gym ughhhhhh and actually being held accountable for my actions became an all too daunting task. I once again turn to my nameless BFF that has this amazing drive to work out 5-6 times a week and i wish i could be that dedicated, but as many have told me before i seem to have this fear of commitment to apparently to everything not just men LOL I dont know if i just have really good self esteem and love myself no matter what size i am or if i have just found this really amazing place called delusion and denial. i do believe i have opposite body dis morphia...what is this you ask? well as you know most people look at themselves and think oh man i am so fat... not me i look at myself in the mirror and think damn i look good! then i see a picture of me in that same skinny outfit and say... ohhhh maybe i didnt look so good. I totally think i am smaller then i really am. I cant stick to a diet because i have no self control, so i believe in mind over matter. So if i think like a skinny person i will become a skinny person. My favorite most effective form of exercise is... laying out! laugh and scoff all you want but my nameless bff can attest to the fact the more tan the pounds just fall off. Im not saying its 20 pounds or anything but its enough to make me feel good enough to take a picture of myself in a bikini. Now i have had a child so i know that i shouldnt be wearing a bikini ever again i mean lets face it im no heidi klum , im just saying. More power to you if your a mom that has a little chub and you can sport a bikini. I aspire to be you one day, oh and the guy that runs in the sand with his shoes on and his trash bag outfit. Clearly i am still struggling with my eternal plight of being self confident and loving myself or being lazy and hiding under a heavy layer of denial and delusion my two best friends that shan't remain nameless LOL